neurotic and psychotic
the prescription, two pills at at night
memories, sitting in the library’s corner
poisoning children with words
sick men and women wanting to make amends
of infanthood dreams and glittering scales
balance out of a mind delicate delegating
where to go from here, I’d like to check out
these books, please.
I don’t belong here, where is my father
I wonder to depths of the deep blue sea
baby beluga, I sing sitting on the classroom’s floor
I’m losing what I didn’t have maybe at first
It’s growing now, I’m building
I miss you, I’m lonely.
But its not really you, I miss
it’s just a feeling behind this flesh
I dont make sense, nothing makes sense
nothing is no thing and in this context
makes sense if I am a thing.
Thing makes no sense
I’m going to read this in a few years
wondering what the fuck was I doing
self-indulging watching naked people
on the screen,
i dont know why Im breaking this line
up, I pretend to go
it gets harder down the road
Dammnit, I worked diligently then
in hopes I dont have to later
chew on some now and later
it gets softer, get your mind out of the dirty
sandbox, you ostrich
it smells like fish in here,
Mixed up in time, reality and what is fiction
These words are not mine
I won’t even remember this
I am sad.
I’m just a brat afterall
spitting out 4 bloody molars,
the car swerves into the woods
blue and green ocean water,
sparkling sunlight with people playing
she gives me a cylindrical camera
she has to do her math hw, her parents say
no time to upload
we are on top of India. WE ARE ON TOP OF INDIA?!
luxury statues and crispy bright colors
I could live here forever
My brother with skinny arms sleeps the same dream
this is where I belong.
I like that space carved into the face, where the nose slides into the cheeks. Underneath the eyes, and lips, like hills and dips. I wonder how we wear relaxed shoulders drop the moment I think of how close they’ve been to my ears. I love my holes and whole. a raisin blazing fire walking a wire of a desire in the middle of a shire, this is dire, higher like a bird I can see and love and love and love and love and love and love and love and love… and love to the ninth because that’s my favorite.
Play with what you have
half of a stem of rose
this is it
Jealously thrives when one feel one is lacking. the remedy to is love the holes and emptiness.
I like myths
theyre like syths
cutting dark dreams
along the seams
of a tragedy comedy
I grew up in a family
then not really
I slept, with you inside the head
you were wearing brown slacks
and a green button up shirt
hair cut. you looked clean
I’ll never miss you cuz I can dream.
here is my hair
to give you my share
my gold necklace
I am an empress
and false lashes
they look pretty
on you and me
no more melancholic fighting
just present tensed writing
adored friend, I love you
and I love me too.
Stars streaming behind the screen of twinkling afternoon ocean blue. This is it, rest in the bare bones of awareness. Remembering to be here, I pull the sentient strings back to me, absorbing and sucking in my dispersed energy. What is important?
I am sinking in the sofa, I am listening to crystal laughs. The windows of the world open with your love. White suits and cymbals, two men joking are on stage. Roles defined by boundaries set by skeleton guides. We dream delusions in duality, what is reality, if doesn’t make it you chuckle your knuckle in a puddle of moose goosing around the border line of neurosis. Sweeping silver dress, just look around for inspiration no more obligations of expectations of how things are supposed to be.
the mind is dull, sharpen it with a grinder
grinding write now whatever
even if it sounds shitty
this is our time.
until all the flies leave
Im shitting flies out of my stomach
sit with it. five senses
roses are red, the mind is dull
dull dull bullying judgement. shame sets in monotonous motions
whatever that means
“I don’t know” on repeat stupid
give me some stimulants the sounds sound all alike
I wonder when I will wake up,
why is anxiety on the cover of Time for our country?
There is time, so much time
fine for now grizzly bear
The heart is broken so boring
Your nuts are against my butt
what is love?
green cups for christmas
Smells like hot coffee on a rainy day, that doesn’t really smell, silly
extend the arm over your head
indulging, eyeballs bulging
coming together now,
Silver toenails set against salmon walls
I want to show how I feel but if could
I wouldnt be pacing the hospital for 5 days
wondering where is it?
Ebbing, waiting for the meds to flow forward. I want to throw up how stupid this is. smiling like I feel it, fake it til you make it you say, johnny is the first name that I can think of the kid with the red hair and blue hat on the corner of PB street lights. Whitening teeth seeping saliva abilify and lamictal Im in my room all day writing stupid streams. dying dying dying dying dying dying dying, just smile from the inside, empty chestnut, you smell so good. lying down chewing on you helps me smile for a second savoring the taste of your kindness.
singing swings, feet sweeping sand, sweet kicks. melody moving from your mouth, I flow forward, to remember what it feels like again to be a kid kindly keeping secrets smiling I slash blood. the rattling of the shopping cart, reminds me to be present to your sensitive gentleness, I’ll hold myself. Caution beating a silent shout, knives, knives. out casting fears, bouncing heads and knees, I sat with a mask on wondering where I could stand in the white light waiting room. close your eyes, she said, imagine a rose in front of you and putting all your fears and worries in it. now put a firecracker it. feel your body being cleansed of the negative energy. now refill it with your energy, your desires. imagine a sun with magnet in the center of it on the top of your head, imagine the magnet attracting all of your positive wishes and power. Now crack the sun like the egg and fill the cells from your head to your toes with this energy, feel it grounding you.
slice me in half down the head to the gut with a rusty metal knife
I’m staring outside the dirty airplane window wondering why
Tears are streaming down my face face face face face
in the white clouds, I’m in a heavy machine thousands of feet above you
feeling alone, while seat belted next to kind strangers and new friends
I shouldn’t feel this way, it’s just an illusion another one of you say just as you extend your hand for comfort, holding tightly mine, I wished your touch would more strongly resonate with me, than the triggers of trauma slowly suffering alive, let this machine blow us to pieces call me a coward, I fear pain and I’d rather say goodbye instead of facing facing facing facing facing racing thoughts its all in my head, yet its as real as our obsessions with happiness.